Love Yourself, Girl, or Nobody WIll

You know what no one can take away from you, no matter how hard they try? Your self worth and your confidence.

In a world where people hand out constructive criticism and their version of life-enhancing tips like it's candy on Halloween night, it's no wonder so many people fall victim to poor self esteem. But, here's the hidden code in the game. You have the power--ALWAYS--to take the criticism/advice/tips you want and leave the rest.

No one said that you have to be everything to everyone. So don't try to be. Be what you want to be to who you want to be it to. Make sense? And, if I'm sprinkling my two cents (which I'm gonna because after all, it is my blog), make sure your top three influencers on the list of Those People I Want to Be Everything To start with Me, Myself, and I. Sound self centered and selfish? It shouldn't. Here's why.

You can only distribute to the world what you translate yourself to be. Sound complicated? Let me break it down for you. If you're less than confident, hesitant around every corner, and every "statement" out of your mouth has an unnecessary inflection at the end (leading everything to sound like a question), then you're not fooling anybody--including yourself. But, if you're the walk-with-a-purpose, head held high, and  every statement out of your mouth is just that--a statement--kinda person, then either you're faking it until you make it (and good job, if no one can tell the difference) or you've accomplished the holy grail of self confidence.

And, once you've crossed the threshold, the possibilities are endless. Now, don't get me wrong. There's a fine line between confidence and cockiness, and if you're truly a high-functioning individual that has mastered his/her craft (whatever that may be), you'll be wise enough to know the difference. That game-changing difference means knowing when the optimal time is to make yourself known and when it's appropriate to practice the art of humility. For all intents and purposes, it's the game-changing play that will determine if others want to play on your team because you have lots to offer to the world or if they fight to occupy the furthest seat from you on the bench because your too-good attitude is one that others fear is contagious, and just plain ugly.

Just remember, you hold the scale on your self worth, and the validation you seek--if any--is determined by you. If you fall short in the esteem category and you just can't seem to love yourself, then it's a pretty safe bet that no one will because transparency will bleed through. You could be showered with compliments, accomplishments, and flattery, but if your self worth and validation doesn't start with you, trust that no amount of accolades is going to make any difference in the world to you. You control your value, and how you ultimately measure it, so define it. And, work every day to live up to it.

[ J.Cole: Crooked Smile]

Cry Me A River, Build a Bridge, and Get Over It!

Quote of the Century: Life Aint Fair.

Duh.

Who said it was? Who sat you down at what age and tenderly spoke "Life is going to be full of lollipops and unicorns and will always be fair? Everyone will love you and you'll live happily ever after." Nobody; ever. 

If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that it's not fair. Not for you, not for me, not for my neighbor down the road. Life deals you a hand, and it's up to you play the cards strategically. Usually, it's a two-seven, off suit. A very small fraction of the population gets the pair of rockets in the hole. And, I hope you're not looking for an instruction manual or, my gosh, the cheat sheet of shortcut codes on how to play that game of life because most of the time it's a rollin'-with-the-punches kind of strategy. Life goes left; you go right. Life goes right, you duck down. 

Too many times you'll question why life has thrown you a curve ball or why something happened to you..yada yada yada. The most optimistic explanation is that life happens to the best of us--life, in terms of twists and turns and uncharted courses. Remember that you're only given what you can handle, and as long as you truly believe that, you'll persevere every day, no matter the obstacle that stands in your way. 

So whine if you must. Take a moment to wallow in self pity and have a dramatic tantrum, full of curse words and tears, if that's what it'll take to get it out of your system. We're all entitled to do so, but after you're done crying a river, build a bridge, and get over it. Face the next day with "it" (whatever "it" may be) behind you, and if you feel the need to revisit the torment that defeated you before, cry yourself another river, build yourself another bridge, and climb over it again. And, pretty soon, with the confidence and strength that you've discovered in yourself coupled with the love and faith in God, your river of tears will dry up, and you'll learn that you don't need to build a bridge to get over anything.

You've done hopped, skipped, and jumped over the dry valley that once held an overflowing river. 

 [Jay Z.:Song Cry, Fade 2 Black]

Live Your Life

Live YOUR life. Not his; not hers. Not the one that they think you should live. Live YOUR life.

Be yourself, and stand up for what you believe. Take pride in your opinion, and demand attention when you think it's warranted. Sometimes people may shrug you off, discount your thoughts, or plain out ignore you. When that happens, give 'em the ol' friendly figurative tap on the shoulder, clear your throat, and speak louder, "I'm sorry; I don't think you heard me."

There's one way to live, and that's passionately. Be passionate about whatever it is that you're passionate about. And, don't let up. If you're a civil rights activist, march at every opportunity that presents itself. If you're a singer, sing at the top of your lungs until the world hears you. Hell, if you're a recycler, go dumpster dive in every one of your neighbor's trash cans, and pick out the glass and tin to your heart's desire. But, do what you do, with passion. 

Don't waver by considering "I wonder what so and so would say." Don't hesitate. If it's something YOU believe in, do it. Don't waste time contemplating what others may think or if they'll approve. Remember, you're the only one that has to wake up and look at yourself in the mirror, and if you can wake up every morning, stare yourself in the face, and smile about the person you are, mission accomplished. Trust, you aren't ever going to make everyone happy, and you'll exhaust yourself trying, so don't even give it a second thought. 

Love who you want to love; follow the faith you want to follow. Hell, do who want to do--yes, I just said that. And, quit looking to others for validation. The only person that should validate you is you. It's a sad world that we live in today that people feel the need to disguise their true colors for fear of being rejected and ridiculed. Don't give in to the ignorant; it only empowers them to keep up their ridiculous antics. 

Do you. And do it with your head held high. For those that don't like it, put three fingers up to the sky, and tell them to read between the lines. Life's too short.

[T.I.:Live Your Life]

It’s the Little Things And they Joy They Bring

At your darkest moments, during your weakest days, when your day starts with your “aint-no-way-I’m-facing-the-world-today” attitude, remember there are the little things.

During your most painful times, it seems that you’d give anything to pull out of the dark tunnel that has swallowed you. Sometimes it lasts five minutes; sometimes it lasts days. But, take comfort in knowing that always somewhere, somehow there’s a light at the end of that dark, depressive, seems-like-never-ending tunnel. It’s called joy.

A handwritten note, a stupid text message, or remembering the pact you made to take with you to your grave. It’s the little things.

When the days seem unbearably long and your tears seems agonizingly excessive, stay confident in knowing that there’s joy at the end of that tunnel. And, look for it every day because it truly is a godsend, and it’s waiting for you to find it.

[India Arie: Little Things]

Listen to the Sound From Deep Within

It was difficult to watch the minute hand advance today, 60 seconds after 60 seconds after 60 seconds. The countdown timer expired today, and my family's six-month window of opportunity officially was sealed shut.

Today posed me with a challenge as I fought--minute after minute--the intrinsic characteristic that makes me...me. I possess and always have had an insatiable need to scream from the rooftops for those that don't have their own voice, for those that have the voice but not the strength, or for those that truly don't know what to say. I live to advocate for those that need advocating.

But, today, I was defeated by that which in any other environment I would've screamed until every one of my vocal cords was raw. See, six months ago today, my family lost a piece of our family puzzle. Not just any piece. Like, one of the most vital pieces to the puzzle. You know? The kind of piece that holds all the others together. Like the corner one. Yeah, exactly like the corner one. The ones whose job it is to hold the sides together. The kind of piece that when missing causes all the other pieces to not fit quite so snuggly. Instead, the other pieces are hanging on from one side because there's a big gap on the side that should be tightly fitted by the corner piece. Well, THAT piece was lost to us.

In an act of unnecessary violence committed by the organized entity that you and I entrust on a daily basis to "protect us," our "puzzle piece's" life was cut unfairly short. And, I should've screamed about it. I should've written letters, interviewed on TV stations, tweeted, Facebooked, YouTubed. Hell, I should've created yard signs as big as Rhode Island to state my case. But, I didn't. I sat quietly. For six months. I don't even sit quietly for 10 minutes in a staff meeting.

True, to go at this would've taken an army, but that should've been a fight I was willing to fight. Because now for as long as I live, I'll wonder "what if." What if I had written letters, interviewed on TV stations, tweeted, Facebooked, YouTubed, made big ass signs? Might something have finally happened? Something that maybe got questions to be answered, that enforced true transparency, that made others that had been in our shoes come forward. But, you wait long enough--like six months--and the opportunity to ask that behaviors be challenged slips away. Then, it results in another senseless death in the books at the hands of those that "protect and serve." Investigation closed. Book closed. You lose. Next case.

Where was my voice?

Speak your mind. Shout from the rooftops. Make yourself heard. Knock on doors, and if no one is home, go to the next one, and KNOCK HARDER! Don't let your voice be silenced. Don't let anyone turn you away from you gut. Believe in what you say and, pretty soon, after enough doors are knocked on, someone will believe it, too. There's power in numbers, but it has to start somewhere. And if you're female, guess what? You'll probably have to scream louder and be more assertive than the next. Don't be convinced that you're nagging or being dramatic, because we, as women, are born with a gift that no one can take away. It's a gift of intuition, and it rarely steers you wrong.

Walk quietly and carry a big stick? I call bullshit. Walk hard and loud. And proud. Let the world know you're coming. And, a big stick wouldn't hurt either ;-)

[Beyonce: Listen]

You Haven't Been Gone a Moment From my Side

Dedication

This open notebook is a long time coming, and it is with bittersweet keystrokes that I finally breathe life into what once was a mere idea. Six months, tomorrow, marks one of the most difficult obstacles that's ever challenged my soul. March 4, 2013, is a day that will live on in my memory forever and will take part of my heart with it. I said good-bye to my cousin brother and one of the most genuine people to ever grace my life. It was a true honor to have my memory bombarded with memories of him, and he is the inspiration I look toward as I bring this personal space to life. 

Without even knowing it, Jimmy sprinkled my life with immeasurable lessons of love, authenticity, and genuineness. And, while your physical being might not be here every day, I know that you live on in my memories, in my heart, and in my thoughts--as if you've never left my side.

This space is intended to be all things life. Lessons of strength. Moments of weakness. Clear headedness and random gibberish. It'll be where I turn to vent, where I may pen my hypotheticals, and where I'll take some of you to church with my two snaps, head roll, hand on hip, full-of-attitude self that Jimmy encouraged me to "preach on" with. It'll be a place where I'll want Jimmy's daughter to turn to one day and gather the strength and determination that a woman should possess, not only because that's the way a woman was intended to live, but because that's what Daddy would've wanted for her.

I invite you to share this journey with me and encourage you to use my personal space to share your thoughts and life lessons, too.

This is my dedication to my Baby Jimmy.

[Diamond Rio: I Believe]